You are here
Home > General Nonsense > Calipari for President? — Fuhgeddaboudit!

Calipari for President? — Fuhgeddaboudit!

By Dr. John Huang

As Kentucky prepares to play Georgia Tech, Josh Pastner—the Yellowjackets’ head coach—had some interesting words to say about John Calipari.

“I think he’ll go into politics,” said Pastner. “And I would not be surprised at some point he runs for President of the United States.”

Calipari for President? Not so fast, my friend.

Why in the world would Cal want to be President?

Realize that this isn’t some schmuck giving out random opinions, but rather someone who should know about Calipari’s leadership potential. You’ll recall that Pastner served as an assistant to Calipari before taking over for him at Memphis.

Maybe this is just a rival’s way of distracting Coach Cal from his upcoming battle at Rupp Arena, BUT I THINK THE IDEA OF CALIPARI AS PRESIDENT IS LUDICROUS. It’s not that Cal couldn’t be President, but WHY would he want to be?

He’s already President of BBN!

Calipari is already leading a nation–the Big Blue Nation! You talk about power and prestige. Coach Cal says, “jump,” and his players ask, “how high?” He holds a telethon for charity, and the dollars come rolling in. He talks about “poop” at press conferences, and no one bats an eye. He’s got 1.6 million Twitter followers. Criticize him in any way and prepare for some serious fallout. He’s dictator, overlord, and Commander in Chief all rolled into one. You get the message, right?

Hold your horses, now.

Mitch Barnhart or Mitch McConnell?

If Cal were President of the United States, his life would take a radical turn for the worse. You think Bruce Pearl is nuts? What about Kim Jong-un? Dealing with Mitch Barnhart is one thing. Dealing with Mitch McConnell is a whole ‘nother matter altogether. Can you impeach someone who has a lifetime contract? I rest my case.

You think he’s a nuisance? Just wait.

Long trips in store

Everyone knows that Cal doesn’t like to travel. He won’t go to Hawaii—what’s going to happen when he has to attend a summit in Singapore? As emperor of BBN, he can just stay put in Lexington. Kings, Popes, and UN Security Councils can all come directly to Rupp Arena to visit him.

Let’s go to Hawaii, Coach!

Press briefings would be a hassle

Calipari would have big problems during presidential press briefings. He might actually be forced to answer a question or two. No more softball queries like why “Johnny Juzang doesn’t play more.” And remember that the rest of the world doesn’t care whether Brad plays at all. Defending the “three” is one thing, but defending the border might require a little more scrutiny. If everyone’s hurt, shouldn’t we have medicare for all?

Is Johnny going to play?

But most importantly, Coach Cal would have to take a $6 million pay cut as President.

Like I said—why ruin your life to be the leader of the free world? Fuhgeddaboutit! Just coach your team, win another national championship, go 40-0, kiss your wife, and retire to write books and eat meat. Life is good as is!

…and don’t forget to wheel the trash out to the curb.

Dr. John Huang
Dr. John Huang is a retired orthodontist and military veteran. As a lifelong Wildcat fan, a fledgling author, and an occasional guest host of Just the Cats Radio, he's now living out his dream as a UK Sports columnist. Dr. Huang also covers professional sports on a regional level. You can follow him on Twitter @KYHuangs or contact him If you enjoy his writing, you can also read more at

Leave a Reply